Joe's Garage: Acts I, II, & III (1979)


-To tell you the truth, when it comes to Zappa, his obscenity and sexual references never interfere with his music at all.
At least it doesn't affect the music in a bad way. Neither do I get offended by Zappa's explicit songs or lyrics.
What make this double disc, three-part album so great is the story (people consider this a pop opera, but I'm not sure
about that, the story line is not that coherent at times, but it's one the more coherent stories ever to grace a rock
album anyway(just look at the Who's rock operas!)) and the sprawling musical selections. It shows ever good side and
style of Zappa, featuring a unique plot that never stops it's interesting momentum. Thus, this double album works as
a good introductory or place to start in Zappa. It combines all the classic aspects for a good Zappa record. Some consider
Joe's Garage a classic, but I think it merely fuses the perfect components and diverse musical style elements, to create
a memorable nearly two-hour album. What else would you end up with when combining the most memorable traits and stylistic
patterns of Frank Zappa's music? Zappa's true, childish character is strongly expressed in this. Somewhat similar to the
The Wall, Joe's Garage's concept is based on a far fetched, clever silly-yet-cleverly hilarious garage rock band experiences
of teenager who only cares about playing his guitar and enjoying himself. now, he lives in a society of repression and extreme
censorship (the main idea was to supposedly cover the repressive regimes in Eastern Europe, as over there, they have
incredibly harsh censorship laws), which sucks for him because his passion is music, unfortunately music is banned and him
neither his band can play anymore, forcing Joe to play imaginary guitar notes (but the beautiful solos are really performed
by Frank, his best solos of all time are recorded here). There are other crazy stories involving Joe throughout this vibrant
three-part record, but this is what it's mainly based on.

Instead of little bits and pieces of each song that have their own share of controversial obscenity and concepts
(like in the double record set, Sheik Yerbouti) the three acts feature well-written, solid, rockin  tunes, with the occasional
witty, sometimes gross humor potty mouth lines, etc. When you first listen to it, the three different acts sound way too
elemental and formulaic, as I've already described the basic, concise music formula more or less for Joe's Garage.
Although, you later find out that these are intense and somewhat complex tunes. I look at this album as a whole, not as a bunch
of highlights, but as a whole, this one of Zappa's most diverse rock records. Aside from You Are What You Is, this is his most
wide ranged rock album of the late seventies. Superbly crafted tunes of many forms, shapes and styles. Hints of jazzy
rock pop/R n' B/Doo wop hooks you in the gripping and very catchy Zappa classic, "Catholic Girls" which people have said was
the only song that was played on radio waves. The first disc gives off a Sheik Yerbouti feel with it's rocking disco and
heavy metal cuts, it strongly reminds me of the brilliance of You Are What You Is. The meshing of hard rock, funk/soul/doo wop
and electronic pop can be found all over. just take "Catholic Girls for example. It's infectious funk bass line and array of
jazz instruments, it's one complex masterpiece, establishing great musicianship, hilarious lyrical matter and wonderful music
ideas (the different noises and devices they use are somewhat advanced as well). Those groovy blues rhythms from "Crew Slut"
are wonderful things. And you'll hear a lovely harmonica solo in the middle somewhere. The lyrics are fabulous like usual and
the dialogue is hilarious, featuring the actual "crew slut" who's an air-headed groupie . Zappa talks to her in such a funny
manner, it makes me laugh, A LOT. I mean, it's not the way he talk to her, it's the conversation it's self that's extremely
funny, it sounds so much like a movie with such a solid story line. Plus, the remaining cuts are mostly dominated by Ike Willis,
who plays Joe. Just imagine it, a black man who sings rude n' crude sex-related lines form left to right in every song.
It's awesome!!! Guess you're not making a big deal about it, but wait until you actually hear this album! The real crazy story
line segments are yet to come, but this fun album never stops the fun from flowing during it's two hours of mayhem, amusing sounds,
mischievously blending charm and quirky n' crudeness is brilliant, in such highlights as..well, I don t wanna name them all.

So, the host of this fiasco is this guy named the "Central Scrutinizer". According to him, it's his responsibility to enforce all
the laws that haven't been passed, don't you love that little wacky rubber duckie jam?! Rather interesting and yet, enjoyable at
the same time, but the next track is an actual a song, a super enjoyable song with a super beat! Vinnie Colaiuta plays so smoothly
and viciously, it's his steady and catchy beats that are the highlight! Well, it begins like a warm, country western ballad,
but really, the bass/harmonica boogie doesn t last long. Surfer tones, doo wop styles (nice harmonies), and the lyrics keeps with
the great story, capturing your attention like a good movie. Even noises in the back can suck you further into Joe s Garage.
The numerous sound effects are adorable and ordinary Zappa mayhem. Frank sings over Ike's vocals, so Joe is less prominent in
this one, however, the song explodes with his vocals after about four minutes, this turns into high octane stuff. There are some
avant garde/classical sections too. That was Joe s first confrontation with the law, his advisors told him to stick to church-
oriented, social activities, but he persisted to work at his music thing AFTER he had to attend the Catholic Youth Organization
with Mary, where they're no angels either. As one of Zappa's best-known songs, it carries an irresistible new wave funk beat and
deep echoing guitar (a strong, prominent element on the rest of the album). All of Frank's cynical tricks are pulled off: multiple
voices and characterizations, sped-up voices, sexual themes, Frank's bass vocals, absurdity. The song does all this while still
emphasizing the plot. Impressive, although "Crew Slut" is a little better, even though it lacks pop hooks.

Now, the following song is even funnier, but the title doesn't really make sense. Fembot? Yes, it's called "Fembot in a Wet T-Shirt",
but we all know it has nothing to do with a fembot, right? Mary was that lady from the CYO and it turns out she grouped up with
Joe's crew, she was also referred to in "Crew Slut". As her moral value went downhill even further, she participates in a wet
t-shirt contest, being paid 50 dollars to do it (she would do anything for $50, since she needs to go home).
The quirky pop part is sung by Ike Willis, accompanied with an abnormal rhythm break, another catchy super beat and a groove that'll
spice up your day. A disoriented Dale Bozzio plays as Mary( notice it's not Terry Bozio, who doesn't seem to appear on this album at all),
the comedic cues are so hilarious. That shuffling electronic rhythm section is to die for as well.

"On the Bus" is a similar sounding jazz groove that's delivered in such a romantic way. Awesome guitar performance that'll surely
knock your socks off. "Why Does It Hurt When I Pee?" is a lovable metal song, opening with a fury of great guitars, a rocking riff
and sparkling electronic effects. ("it jumped up/and grabbed my meat/my balls feel like a pair of maracas") Oh, and I love those lines
and I love the dazzling orchestral and keyboard. Now, this is where I start to laugh until my sides hurt. Musically, it's the album's
most powerful song, no kidding. A soft toned, romantic reggae-ish R n' B and Soul song follows. "Lucille Has Messed My Mind Up" is a
serious, saddening/love ballad unlike nothing on the entire set. Joe has reached a point where he still loves Lucille, but it seems she
has broken his heart. Pretty sad sounding to me, even if the shiny, crisp keyboards and slap bass lines give off a happy tone.

That Willis has got a voice, huh? Black people soul music like this is good, sometimes great. The "Scrutinizer Postlude" is a postlude
that reviews the matters- "As you can see...girls, music, disease, heartbreak...they all go together". Now his mind is messed up, Joe
visits the First Church of Appliantology on "Token of My Extreme" and the pop riff is one that I'll croon to with grace. Ike's soaring
vocals add a gorgeous touch, though I keep track to the story also. It all results in one hell of a concept-flowing anthem. Joe learns
to speak German in order to get hooked up with a machine (??lol!!!) at a bar called "The Closet". He picks up a Hoover vacuum cleaner
(while he's all dressed up like a housewife), as you see from "Stick it Out". The driving guitar/bass keyboard melody goes into maddening
groove so catchy......so catchy......Well, the lyrics are more explicit than ever and it's it's real entertaining (tell me about it).
"Stick out your hot curly weenie/in and out/in and out/till it squirts and squirts". Out of nowhere, these raucous electronic noises move
violently into this rowdy tune. Rowdy, too rowdy. Joe and his date (vacuum cleaner) returns home to have a little party. "Sy Borg" is a
relaxed and far out space pop ditty that goes along with a nifty little reggae beat, with a repetitive reggae guitar riff.
A bouncy pop melody slows down the entire first disc, and Sy (his cross between-a-vaccum-and-a-piggy bank date) says the most hilarious
lines I've ever heard an appliance pronounce. The "Gay Bob doll" portion is a classic!

So now that he's been put under bars, Joe is in deep trouble while being in prison (for he destroyed an ultra expensive sexual cyborg
which was the government's property). I shouldn't start with "Keep it Greasy", but the second disc's opener is so irrelevant to the story
and concept, I'm gonna have to just dismiss it as an insignificant, but decent, mid-tempo funk soul pop tune (although the Central
Scrutinizer states that Yuda is a promo music guy who he meets in jail). I think those hovering sounds might've been produced by those
tubes, you know, those colored tubes that make a cool noise when you tilt them towards on side. Anyway, "Keep It Greasy" is fast pace
rocker jam packed with disco beats a heavy rocking action that'll effect you like all the styles on here. Funky, crude, groovy, super
complex, waltzy, and it's chorus is a memorable bunch of lines. It moves like a hard blues rock epic, as you see from it's size: 8:22.
For four minutes frank lays down a godly guitar solo that goes extremely well with the accompaniment. The spectacular bass performance
can put me in the Primus mood anytime. The second disc is very different, due to the drastic change of pace in story line
(and musical content), but these compositions are way longer also, ranging from 6 minutes to 11 minutes. "Outside Now" is an emotional
piece that captured Joe at a depressing "semi-catatonic" state. The time passes by while he's playing imaginary guitar notes that
irritate and he's wondering what he would see what it's like on the outside now. Building on an extraordinarily slow riff, the song
blasts off with an astonishing guitar solo by Frank, he truly outdoes himself here, but not totally. "He Used to Cut the Grass" shows
Joe when he's gotten out of jail, but he has nothing to occupy himself with because music has been made illegal. Musically, it's a one
hell of a drone with weak structure and basically no melody. Just a cut and pasted guitar solo, some loose, messy, clumsy bass, drums,
and keyboards. nothing special, although for the story's sake, a transitional track is essential between the significant songs,
"Outside Now" and "Packard Goose". As usual, he's dreaming about imaginary guitar solos and such. While the boredom continues, Joe
takes action and attacks the rock journalists.

Remember, this is entirely a dream, he even dreamt up complete songs with lyrics! The opening part follows a fast tempo, and a wild
xylophone,, organ and bass performance. The suite is 11 minutes and the main melody is a favorite, it transforms into a lot of things
after minutes pass by, it turns more and more fragile n' delicate, until it becomes one of the sweetest melodies of all time. A slow,
graceful xylophone plays along with the band's bittersweet melody and Mary's ballad: "Wisdom is not truth/Truth is not beauty/Beauty is
not love/Love is not music/Music is THE BEST". It then spirals in heavy rock riffs and a wicked solo by Frank follows that recitation.
It was built upon more like medley when it was performed live, though the suite is a complex swirl of numerous things as well. A reprise
of the main theme heads towards a completely different direction as it metamorphoses into a 50s doo wop spoof. by the way, it ends with
those lovely toy tube sound I love oh so very much. The best song of the second disc is followed by a dull moving, but overwhelmingly
emotional guitar solo supported by little deep echoing effects and steady n' dramatic drum work. Assertive, gorgeous, having been Joe's
last dreamt up notes. "Watermelon in Easter Hay" is a beautifully developing melody, stretching one line, it's something special in Frank's
guitar dominated song repertoire. The same tube noises open the good natured xylophone/spoon/bass childish anthem, "Little Green Rosetta".
You can tell Zappa and the crew are simply having fun with a well-crafted tune. According to the Central Scrutinizer, Joe has abandoned his
ambitious music dreams, and has started to work joyfully at the "Utility Muffin Research Kitchen", where he ices muffins. Ending on a silly,
and absolutely absurd note, this album if well worth your time and depending on preference, this is as entertaining as any great comedy
movie- it flows so greatly too. Frank hasn t massed into a record pumping monster yet, but this is pretty cool, sprawling stuff. Vast.
Nonetheless, prepare to be blown away by one of the best concepts/stories ever to grace a rock record, some of Frank's best guitar work,
and yeah, the music is great also. Have a nice time with this wonder. If you buy this package, that is.

Best Songs: Joe's Garage, Catholic Girls, Crew Slut, Fembot in a Wet T-Shirt, Why Does it Hurt When I Pee,
A Token of My Extreme, Stick It Out, Sy Borg, Keep it Greasy, Packard Goose, Watermelon in Easter Hay

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NOTE: This review was written by Jacob Helfman,
And was rescued by Tangento from a now-defunct site
entitled: Superfluous Music Reviews : Frank Zappa